relapse

"I hate how a simple event could easily trigger my entire system to feel so awful altogether. It's probably accumulated from The Fault is in Our Stars. I'm not a fan of that movie, really. It awoken too many unwanted dormant feelings and I've no idea how to deal with them. So they remain suppressed. I wish I bawled like a child in the cinema like how some girls did but instead, I stared intently at the screen hoping for a better ending."

-Irinatyt 

Discovered many things today. Little things that will always seem bigger than they actually are because it's always magnified to me, anything that's relevant to you. Wouldn't say that it bothers me, but I don't know how to put it in another way. Watching TFIOS definitely contributed to this trigger. It's been.... almost 3/6 months respectively. I was done with everything, I really was. 
Why is it slowly coming back now? 
I thought it was just another recurrence, which I always brush off very quickly. But this has been a nagging thought for the past week already and I just have to get this feeling off my chest.

it's so tough to fight everything off. I don't know what is there left to do. there's nothing left to do, which is the worrying part because everything is suppose to fall into place now but that isn't really the case during times like these. I'm actually amazed at I can be worrying and busy about so many things but yet still be able to accommodate these kinda shit in my mind. 
How is it that amidst all the busyness you still find a way to wriggle into my thoughts??

How is it that I can make room for what is meant to be left in the past and should stay there?

This, I will never know or understand. 

You're clearing up the remnants and residual of whatever; and so should I, but didn't I already? 
I guess I did (at least) for the things that are tangible, but sigh all these emotional baggage, I suppose you can't just keep away like that. 

Talked to Vanessa and just ranted and yes came to a realisation that,
 some things can only get better in time. 
Only time can clear up whatever that may seem unclearable right now. This is just another relapse and I'm glad I'm on my way to the right track, the one that was so difficult to get myself on.

I know I'm on the right route as long as I'm walking; walking away from you.

New home screen as a daily reminder to myself: