different kind of buzz

(typed this otw home hehe)

I realised that the magic of genuine friendships are underrated, and the beauty of relationships are slightly overrated. I've never really had friendships, i've always been (and still am) a "everybody's friend" kinda person. But I've come to learn that those are what people call acquaintances. 

Being in a state of nothingness and hopelessness for so long... I thought nothing could tide me over this, and it scared me to think I have to remain in this miserable state forever. 

But hey.... I realised I didn't have to. 

"Good things fall apart,

so that better things can come together"

How my life turns out is what I fill it with. And closing one door, opened up so many others. I know my sentences doesn't rlly quite make sense rn but I'm just spilling my thoughts so whatever hehe. 

I'm the kind of person that is very.. loser-ish, I don't deny it. I admit, I really don't have cliques and a lot of people I can hang with etc. 

I remember blogging about this back when I was in secondary school before HAHAHAHA but yes, it's something I've come to terms with over time. I was always envious of people who could call on a bunch of friends to chill or yknow have a BFF that they can turn to as and when.

-

Recently, my social life has taken a change for the better. My life is now filled with friends, friends I hold really, really close to my heart. As with every relationship (friendship or Bgr), there are different kinds of challenges. But if there's something I've learnt, it is that everyone is different; together with their pros, they also come with different types of flaws 

and to truly love and want to keep them is to take both their good and bad. 

My friends probably wouldn't know how important they are to me and how much they've done for me (unknowingly). I feel like... a part of me is complete. And no I didn't gain like 50 new friends or something haha, just a few indispensable ones. 

I don't think everyone would understand where I'm coming from, because having close friends for many is something that has been part of their life or comes so naturally for them. 

But unfortunately (or fortunately), it wasn't the case for me. 

Every single one of them add a different color to my life and even though I'm not the perfect friend, and I piss the shit out of them at times (/all the time HAHA), I can never be grateful enough for them. 

-

I guess all this totals up to something special for me. It's like a part of me is rekindling? 

(was it ever kindled to begin with though, not sure) 

like a part of me is awakened as my heart takes in all the little blessings that come with them (or them in essence). but all I really know is that, 

the last time I was this grateful for something in my life was Shawn. 

and that means this must be pretty damn special. 

:')