pounced upon some things on youtube that just stirred up so many emotions within me.
these are two of the things:
Idek why..... they are like happy stuff and yes okay I can't explain man.
no I did not fall back into my dark pit of sadness or whatsoever, just thought know this is my blog right? so why can't I write what I wanna write haha.
I guess for the past few months I've been trying to numb myself of any sort of emotion.. because it seemed like the best way to guard my heart from anything. So everything/one I read, saw, heard, talked to; I let them get to me only on the surface.
Everything I mean, everything. Thoughtcatalog articles that I read and could relate to, I glance through them quickly and send them to my reading list and close the tab.
People that ask me how I am, I tell them I'm doing fine and i'm really not "sad" anymore (I really am not sad anymore haha); and mainly also because I didn't wanna think about anything or asked myself if I was fine. Because the moment I let myself think, I let myself feel.
and honestly... nothing good comes out of that.
okay as of now I don't really know what's the point of this post hahahahaha, but must there
be a point for this post? nah,
It just felt scary, to have something get to the soft spot of your heart, the spot you hid away somewhere you don't even remember or know how to retrieve back. The spot you don't intend to recall where you left it at. You just know you hid it away so deep and far in, that you don't plan on bringing it out.
I guess it fascinates me, and makes me realise that when something gets to me, i am reminded of the fact that I have a heart. & that I'm only human and it's okay to feel again once in awhile even though I try hard not to. Because I guess that what's scarier is when you realise, that
you can't and don't feel anymore.
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okay, moving on :~)
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