you just booked in :-( 

& I'm about to turn in, but I just felt like I needed to jot down this post. Sorry if I'm incoherent hahah.

I didn't tell you this but the moment I got home I just laid on my bed and zoned out. 

7 days to prelims. The all too familiar anxiety feels are back. I hate it. 

You called me after falling in. We talked as usual and finally I just poured out everything that was on my mind. I tell you everything, but I stopped telling people about what I get anxious over 

(usually only studies lol). because I hate being vulnerable, and you know that.

Our convo went surprisingly well and I felt calmed. I felt so much better. 

I haven't went to bed before 3am in ages. Neither have I went to bed with a peace of mind in awhile. 

You always make things better, I can never thank you enough.

I am so glad we found each other, unexpectedly but we did anyway. 

thank you for everything good, bad and in between. will never be thankful enough for you :') 

bouts of doubt // I want out

Just woke up from a long ass nap awhile ago. 

I don't know how I can feel so chill, knowing the shitload of work I need to catch up on and the fact that prelims is in a week's time ha ha ha. 

I've been thinking a lot lately (as always). 

And, I don't know, this lack of having a "life" is starting to get to me haha. 

Like I don't know how to put it, I feel like my life is starting to dull. I don't have time to go to places, indulge in retail therapy, take pretty pictures, rewatch the movies i love.

"Do more of what makes you happy"

I guess I just haven't and don't have time to do the things I love anymore. 

This deprivation is starting to make me feel... I don't know actually am I even feeling anymore haha.

I'm such a mess.

& it doesn't help that I am experiencing this whole drought of positivity all over again.

I miss being able to pour out my thoughts to someone/thing. 

It feels like I can't do so now without having to worry about being judged or accidentally saying something wrong and triggering off a mess. 

bouts of doubt i really want out but then again am i ever sure of what i want

THIS IS HOME TRULY WHERE I KNOW I MUST BE

Am suppose to be studying like rn but okay shall rush out a blog post heheheheheh

 #priorities

-

Friday, 8th August 2014

Went to school for nat day celebrations!!! the boring bitch I am wore uniform LOLOL 

Had the usual celebrations; national anthem, pledge, performances, community singing and food.

this group wore full white and had garlands around their neck. 

I rmb snapping a pic cuz i thought they rlly looked like the PAP hahahahahaha

COMMUNITY SINGING!!!! always love singing national day songs. was intending to be all chilled and shit but I JUST HAD TO STAND WHEN where I belong came on HAHA it's one of ma favs.

Year 6s get to sit in the gallery hehe so it's all quite comfy and not so crowded :-)

with ma homies, missing em cuz that girl overslept and woke up when the celebration ENDED HAHAHAH champion la :-p

you know you're excited about nat day when you put your flag on your hockey stick bag HAHAHAHAHA

I guess the celebrations weren't all that bad... though I recall having more fun last year? :/ maybe it's a year 6 thing hahahaha. nvm, they ended early and we had free food after so it's all good hehehe.

Met up with boredbryan that evening for dinner at Habitat!!! 

Talked a lot of shit over dinner AS USUAL HAHAHA really glad we could catch up man. 

This was a few months ago;

.VS. now HAHA

Ordered the Ocean Linguine, which was about $16?

 kinda pricey i think but it was SO GOOD!!!!!!

Saturday, 9th August 2014

Went to church to do supplies on National Day morning!!! 

After that headed to the field to watch my dad shoot for a bit :-)

Went to SGH to visit my grandpa after :-) never really liked hospitals and don't think I ever will? 

but yup so glad my family took time off to go visit him, HE IS SO HILARIOUS?!?!? HAHA

he was telling us about how he started smoking since he was 12, when he lived in Pulau Tekong.

He smokes 40 sticks per day, and although I'm not a smoker I know that is quite a mad amount hahaha. But hey he said he smoked one stick the day before and now he's done with smoking alr. HAHAHAAH idk if he was kidding but I hope he really is done with it cuz his health isn't exactly in the best state now :-(

This was a polaroid we took a few CNYs back... and I was so touched when I saw that he kept it in his cardholder?? like he opened it up to show me, smiled at it and wiped it gently. 

Such a simple yet sweet gesture... :')

Went to look for leon after! 

We were both dressed up in Red!!!! patriotic much hehehe. 

I really love how we can be ourselves around each other, and how we don't ever really need to plan stuff? like we always think similarly and I don't ever have to worry that much about what if he doesn't wanna do this or go here and there with me, that kinda thing. :')

we went to orchard central area to try to catch the fireworks but to no avail :-( caught very few glimpses of it but ahhh it's okay because his company made up for it HAHAHA

The stroll from orchard to orchard central was quite far but nice cuz we just walked and talked and yeah i just love having walks with him??? idek why man i rlly hate walking HAHAHA.

Took some photos on my digital camera which I haven't brought out in a loooong while.

LOVEEEE how the pics turned out hehe

He brought me to Savéur for dinner!!! 

It was my first time there and it's a really nice place with quite affordable food :-)

Good food, better company of course heh.

here's my duck confit which was so tasty!!! especially the mash potato AHHH brb salivating

Happy boy with his chicken dish!! 

Sunday, 10th August 2014

Had lunch at Paradise with Leon's school clique! I was really afraid it would be awkward and all? but they are such a fun bunch to be around HAHAHA

 I really loved the conversations we had over lunch THEY R SO FUNNY HAHA 

talking to them really makes me wish I was 19 and didn't have As to worry about. Their post IB lives are so chill and fun I WANT T.T but okay soon soon, that's gonna be me hehe.

y'all won't see this, but thank you for not making it awkward for me and having me for lunch I really really really appreciate it:')

have lunch with the boyfriend's IB friends  ✔

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED HAHAH

Sundays also means end of the week which also means book into camp day :-(

We couldn't flag a cab for some reason?!?! >:( and really couldn't risk him booking in late soooo called for one. The cab came at like 8:33 and he had to book in by 8:45. 

THANK GOD HE REACHED ON TIME HAHA

 snack to munch on while mugging from agent_le0n hehe

I went to the washroom at 313 and when I came out he just passed it to me. so sweet and thoughtful? 

It's such a simple act but hey it's really the thought that counts :-)

okay history is calling me!!!!!!!!

Friday, 1st August 2014

TGIFFFFF!!! another insane week of school came to an end hehe. 

Headed down to a chalet to help take pics for someone's 21st :-) Sebryna was free ao thank god she came down to accompany me. She helped me a lot also cuz I kinda had abit of trouble trying to do everything by myself. Thank u sebæyna :*

Taking the picture of our polaroid here looks like a we died in a shipwreck?!?!? HAHAHA

Do I look professional yet?????? DO I???

This weekend was Leon's first book out from Hendon!!

He just booked back in today though hahah oh how time flies. Anyway, fetched him from his first book out hehehehe. Army timings are never really on time, so he told me to stay home and wait for his updates. cuz like initially his book out timing was suppose to be 2 pm, but turns out everything dragged :-( 

What he didn't know was that I made my way out ard 1:20 HEHEHEHE

Saturday, 2nd August 2014

Effects of an insane school week being manifested on my face T.T

Surprise success?!?!? HAHAHA was kinda awkward walking in the midst of SO many army guys man hahaha and I waited at some ulu busstop for quite awhile :-( 

but hey it was all worth it when I saw him. haven't seen him in a week and i REALLY missed him :-)

First bookout selfie!!!!

headed to tamp and got some ice-cream & fried mars balls

HAPPY FOOD IN OUR TUMMIES AHHHHHH

We are SO weird HAHAH but we're weird together in the same ways so iz all good ;-)

Went to The Missing Pan for dinner!!! The place is rlly nice hehe. Wanted to order the roasted chicken for 2 butttttttttt they ran out of it :'( sooooo settled for squid ink risotto & salmon pasta :-)

"Never eat squid ink with your date"? NAHHHHHH we gonna do it anyway HAHA :-p

Walked down to Island Creamery after for ice-cream *__* say hi to the mud pie we had which was absolutely h e a v e n l y HAHA ahhhhh.

Headed back and it wasn't too far? so we decided to take a nice stroll. 

Halfway through he suggested piggy-backing me back HAHAH what a dumb idea? but guess who agreed to it anyway, ME. HAHAHA

Felt so happy HAHAHAHA (my eyes disappeared)

Sunday, 3rd August 2014

Didn't do much, just went to plaza sing to satisfy our Tim Ho Wan craving hehe 

freaking love the dim sum there its SO GOOD???????????

Thank you for always taking embarrassing pictures with me and being a retard with me in public hehehe :*

4 more weeks to Prelims. Lost all motivation to study but sigh no choice, gotta keep moving on. Happy that I finally got down to completing my study plan??? Sort of uh #Aforeffort k?? HAHAHA hopefully it pans out well. 

Face is breaking out so badly and my dark eye circles are beyond hope. Screw it luh, I'll just get a new face from the Face Shop after As. HAHAHAH I kid. 

till the next weekend :')