This is a letter to my (ex) wallet.
Very few people know this but.. I'm SUPER attached to my previous wallet.
It's this topshop suede wallet with a golden locket/bucket.
I still remember clearly how I walked into topshop one day some time in 2013....
It was pretty simple actually, I was with Emily, I saw the wallet and fell in love with it right away.
Was really hesitate at the start tho... cuz none of them looked completely "brand new", like everyone of them had their own flaw (scratches on the lock, suede etc.).
I didn't know if it was worth my money to buy something that didn't look "perfect". I thought over it for a good 10mins? and I still wasn't completely sure.
But what I was sure about, was the fact that I really loved it and would definitely regret if I walked out of topshop not getting it. I looked through all of them and decided on this one with a slight scratch on the lock. and so... I paid for it and I never felt happier :')
I went home and told my mum (who was upset because I bought a new wallet hahah),
"OMG MA I BOUGHT THIS WALLET I LOVE IT SO MUCH i bet you i won't change wallet and i'll use it for at least 2years (till I end JC)"
It felt like I found the wallet of my dreams, it really did. I loved EVERYTHING about it. About how it had such a pretty color combination of gold & black, the texture of it, and all it's compartments.
I loved all the bad that came with the good too, like how the suede would turn into a weird texture when it came into contact with water/sweat, how the lock and suede was so susceptible to scratches and how I always had to protect it when it rained and all. I loved it SO much.. my love for it never wavered.
There was only so much my love for my wallet could do, I could only do so much. It started to look more worn out, and overtime it began to fall apart on me. I considered switching wallets.. but somehow I never liked the ones that caught my eye enough to replace my wallet.
I decided that my love for my wallet was still very much there, none could match up to it (in terms of design, price etc) and that I'll hold onto it.
I was(/am) so emotionally attached to the wallet. Although it's physical look was wearing away, it was still very much useable. I just had to take more care of it. The real problem came when it was literally starting to fall apart. The nail on the lock started to be loose. I was worried because the lock is what holds the wallet together. but I was more worried because I am SO emotionally attached to the wallet and it felt like no other wallet would ever be able to replace it, like I wouldn't be able to love another wallet the same way.
I held onto the wallet anyway.... and it just felt so shitty because the functionality of it was getting really straining. It felt like instead of using it, I was more of trying not to use it so I can keep it as intact as possible. I knew I would've never (not in a million wallet years ha ha ha) given up on my wallet but.. in a way it kinda "gave up" on me.
I began temporarily housing my ezlink card and cash in a pouch instead. I still continued carrying my wallet around with me, just because it had so many sentimental things, memories, what I was used to seeing etc. But... I realised I had to "let it go", cuz it wasn't doing me or my wallet any good.
If I loved it I should give it a break, you know? Like, at least i'll get to remember it being mostly good.
Wrote this Letter because, I finally switched wallets today :-) I was walking around, saw the wallet at 9:54pm (just as the shop was about to close) and BAM fell in love and just knew I had to get it.
This wallet is so so so lovely :') it had a combination of gold & black as well, is made of a more sturdy material, is of a different shape.
What stood out to me the most was definitely how, when I saw it, it gave me assurance. Like it looked and felt way more steadier, and most importantly how the wallet itself could convince me to fall in love with it (no one was there to persuade/reaffirm it). It was such short time, but I fell in love with it & it just really felt like it was worth getting (gave me assurance).
I just didn't want to get all emotionally attached again to a wallet, just for all that to go in vain.
I just removed everything in my previous wallet, and kept the contents away to places they should be kept at. I was quite sad that I couldn't transfer EVERYTHING in my previous wallet to my new one... then I realised that should be the way. I should keep the old stuff (polaroids, receipts etc) and let new things feel it up :-) I'm sure I can learn to love my new wallet the same, or even better than I did with my old wallet. My old wallet has been archived haha, after all JC has ended and I kept my promise in a way. Although it'll always have a special place in my heart, I realised that just because it meant a whole lot doesn't mean I have to keep it with me, because it really was doing me more harm than good.
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I can't wait to fill my new wallet up with new things that I'll learn to hold close to my heart :-)
ok end of post HAHA this post has oddly allusions to my r/s life in some way haha but okay,
I enjoyed writing this :-)
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7 Days to As, keeping my sanity and pushing right on.
till then x
