When emotions and thoughts don't mix well

Sometimes, i don't know how i feel.

Or what i want.

Maybe it's this promos thing that's screwing with my mind. It better be.

motivation right now right here

Just received my acceptance email for the:

5th SAL Junior College Law Programme (!!!!!)

Maybe everyone who applied got in.. I dont know. It doesnt really matter. I'm so happy i'm in for this. :-) GP was so-so today. Just glad i got by it.

This acceptance is my motivation right now. Dont laugh, it's really something small to many but BIG to me. I really wanna get my promos and be promoted.

I think I have exam anxiety. For real. 

Brb breaking into cold sweat just thinking about the 3 hr papers I have to get by tmrw. 

ECONS AND LIT oh my life.

at least it isnt history and econs like for CTs. Don't wanna taste death for the second time. 

Okay, back to studying, hopefully (i better) turn in by 12.

& to all the other struggling souls out there, you're not alone.

Do your best and let God do the rest. 

:-)

Till then x

Chinese O levels: to retake or not

I should be studying right now but I was JUST going to when I realised,

Tmrw's the release of Chinese Os results!

Good luck to everyone who's getting back their mother tongue results, be excited heh :-)

& to those who don't take chinese or mother tongue........

...........

So in the light of the special day tmrw for my juniors and many others, I thought i'll just blog about my O level chinese experience: doing the exam, getting back my results, going through it, deciding to retake or not etc.

Anyway my blog's quite dead so yup opportunity for revival and maybe offer my 2 cents for people who wants it -l o l-

Prepping and doing the exam:

My school really prepared us for the papers, and although it was relatively torturous, I think it REALLY helped me. We had intensive chinese week, which is basically a week of just doing papers non-stop everyday. As in, not continuously 24/7, but daily. We would do like sets and sets and other school papers (including comp and email writing). It was tedious for us la (DUH) but even more so for the teacher (YES they had to mark). Why did I think it really helped? Cause many people don't really take chinese lessons and homewk seriously (like me lol) and I really am not in touch with chinese, like in terms of writing and vocab... damn shitty haha. I don't pass up homewk unless my tcher damn pissed of or.. so yeah you get my drift. So the intensive week was really my saving grace :')

After the exam:

I was damn happy. Like for real. I didn't feel extremely good about the paper ( i never do for chinese haha) but I found it manageable :-) Although I knew that there might just be a possibility that I had to retake... deep down there was this part of me that was determined to not do chinese for Os ever again. I just knew it

Results day:

I rmb waiting with my schoolmates, waiting for our results. We were fretting like crazy HAHA good ol' times :')

I rmb telling my friend smth like: 

"Eh if God want me to retake let me get E8 then if he dont want then give me A plsssss" 

I was really hoping to get like a distinction, not for like pride but more of the fact that i don't have to think about whether to retake or not :-(

I GOT B3 haha

Retake or not?:

The moment I got B3 I knew God wanted me to decide, like it's right smack in the middle :-(

I was a bit disappointed but I knew I did my best. I got Merit for oral, which was not surprising cause i screwed oral up. My teacher wanted me to consider retaking cause he felt like I can get an A. but I really didn't want to retake cause Os was so near, and not like my other results v good that I can afford to spend time on Chinese. Also, I threw away everything in my mind that was Chinese related after the papers HAHA so I was rusty already. Plus, with the Chinese intensive week + I gave my best + never take with the other HMT students; I would think it's the best I can get. 

Just imagine taking at the end of the year with the HMT students.......... 

In the end, I didn't retake. It really wasn't an easy decision because I had 6 subjects (dropped pure sciences to comb sci to secure my A), and I had a DSA offer so I had to use my R5.

BUT I really don't regret it :-) 

I mean, Chinese was really like a distraction, v extra. HAHA maybe not to a major extent but in some way it was. Also, i mean if you already gave your best and had all the help you can get then maybe that's the best you can get? I didn't think I would be able to jump another grade up, and I didn't wanna waste my time trying :( In a way it motivated me to study even harder for my other subjs, cause I knew I had B3 for my Chinese already. 

SO YUP! 

For all those who are getting back your results tmrw, all the best :-) If you didn't do that well, or not up to your expectations, plsssssss pls think twice and thrice if you should retake! Don't regret any decision you make :-)

Hope this post has helped some one out there in a way or another, if not, thank you for reading anyway :-)

drop me a note @ ask.fm/annabelannabelz!

Till then x

Today was not too bad :-) 

Okay actually because i didn't rlly do any work but i'm making up for it now :'(

Random visuals up ahead 

Kinda like my hair now, although the curls are kinda not there anymore :p 

and this is not bad alr, considering i don't apply any creams to make the curls stay.

Thankful i HARDLY get very bad hair days :*)

Time to try and get my lit essay done,

I have no absolute idea what is it about though.... 

def not born with the lit flair

or any flair

lol

this post doesn't quite make sense

Yes, its a picture of us again.

It's 11:05pm and I should probably get my GP essay outline done asap (for my anal gp tcher) (who's gonna make me stay back tmrw) (fml).

But no, I can't seem to bring myself to complete it. So yes here I am.

I would say this is a form of escapism, which in my definition is to do other things that allows me to not do what i'm suppose to be doing.

I'm sorry if my blog is flooded with boring pictures of Shawn+I and school mates...

I have a very uninteresting life, with nothing much going on. 

I guess this is a space that's becoming much more personal to me cause although I don't have a lot of things going on right now, there are things going on and I just need an outlet. (does this make sense)

Shawn makes me happy, not superficially. It's not easy cause i'm always so messed up on the inside... with so much going on in my head.

He is there when I'm thoroughly upset, there when I need to share my joy with someone. 

It's probably due to the fact that I don't really have friends that bother to patronise me, but then again he doesn't really too, so we have each other. I guess when you think don't have things to be grateful for, you find the slightest things to be grateful for.

It's not because we are more than friends that I find comfort and joy in/with him. I would say even if we don't work out in the future, he'll still be my best friend (more like my soulmate), cause it's hard to find another that can understand you so well and still accept you as you are. 

Everyday it gets harder. I feel a bit more inadequate in every aspect, and it just breaks me down further.

Not being able to catch up in class, clearly knowing on the inside that I am very far behind academically. Getting excluded in conversations, as much as I try to be nice. Knowing time is running short and I may be the very cause of my own downfall. Trying to catchup but it seems almost impossible. Not being able to bring myself to do shit cause' I don't know where to start and when I do I hit road blocks and hide away like a coward.

As much as I try to tell myself it's okay to not to be regarded, I suppose I just have to get used to this. 

it's even harder to tell yourself to get back on track when you come home to know that there's problems between your parents. It's worse when you realise, honestly no one gives a shit. 

Move on. Kids in Africa are starving. Stop whining. 

I need to learn to be a noble gas (as quoted from prudence eons ago), unreactive.

Keep your head held high. Here's to anyone who feels like shit, you're not alone and it's okay to feel that way. Just don't let it get to you

loneliness

Sometimes we try too hard for people who don't deserve it.

Sometimes we yearn so much for any form of company, 

from people that just patronise us.

Maybe some people are just meant to be lonely.

NO do not blame it on their character or personality.

"You try so hard but you don't succeed, get what you want but not what you need."

Superficial friendships all around, but sometimes it hurts less to have some rather than none.

Well it's about time to embrace loneliness.

USS STUDENT PASS

In my attempt to keep my blog alive. haha

So these are a few pics taken on the weekend we decided to get the USS student pass heh

getting there is quite a hassle though:( at least to me.

My family had the sentosa islander card which grants unlimited access..

but expired alr so wtv haha.

Taking the monorail costs $4 if we use our ezlink cards,

which is considered ex alr cause USS is only one stop away >:(

So yup, for the sake of saving $$$, we walk to sentosa!

Save money + don't need to squeeze with tourists :-)

It's tough being with someone who's not in your school + not in the same acad route as you + ends school late + when your parents don't know abt you two.

but again, if you really want something to work out, it won't be easy, but it will if you put in the effort.

Days like these are so precious! 

When you don't have THAT much time together during the week, sweating and eating Doritos together is quite fulfilling (trust me, it is)

Short post but i'll be back with more soon hehe

ask.fm/annabelannabelz

till then x