this post doesn't quite make sense

Yes, its a picture of us again.

It's 11:05pm and I should probably get my GP essay outline done asap (for my anal gp tcher) (who's gonna make me stay back tmrw) (fml).

But no, I can't seem to bring myself to complete it. So yes here I am.

I would say this is a form of escapism, which in my definition is to do other things that allows me to not do what i'm suppose to be doing.

I'm sorry if my blog is flooded with boring pictures of Shawn+I and school mates...

I have a very uninteresting life, with nothing much going on. 

I guess this is a space that's becoming much more personal to me cause although I don't have a lot of things going on right now, there are things going on and I just need an outlet. (does this make sense)

Shawn makes me happy, not superficially. It's not easy cause i'm always so messed up on the inside... with so much going on in my head.

He is there when I'm thoroughly upset, there when I need to share my joy with someone. 

It's probably due to the fact that I don't really have friends that bother to patronise me, but then again he doesn't really too, so we have each other. I guess when you think don't have things to be grateful for, you find the slightest things to be grateful for.

It's not because we are more than friends that I find comfort and joy in/with him. I would say even if we don't work out in the future, he'll still be my best friend (more like my soulmate), cause it's hard to find another that can understand you so well and still accept you as you are. 

Everyday it gets harder. I feel a bit more inadequate in every aspect, and it just breaks me down further.

Not being able to catch up in class, clearly knowing on the inside that I am very far behind academically. Getting excluded in conversations, as much as I try to be nice. Knowing time is running short and I may be the very cause of my own downfall. Trying to catchup but it seems almost impossible. Not being able to bring myself to do shit cause' I don't know where to start and when I do I hit road blocks and hide away like a coward.

As much as I try to tell myself it's okay to not to be regarded, I suppose I just have to get used to this. 

it's even harder to tell yourself to get back on track when you come home to know that there's problems between your parents. It's worse when you realise, honestly no one gives a shit. 

Move on. Kids in Africa are starving. Stop whining. 

I need to learn to be a noble gas (as quoted from prudence eons ago), unreactive.

Keep your head held high. Here's to anyone who feels like shit, you're not alone and it's okay to feel that way. Just don't let it get to you